Why husband lies to wife

So why do people lie in relationships? And why does your husband lie to you about even the little things like what he watched on TV last night, or even what he got up to at work that day? It will vary from partner to partner, but there are often a number of common and sometimes alarming reasons why your partner will lie to you from time to time - if not all the time. Your partner may have the best intentions at heart when he lies to you about the little stuff. He may feel that by not telling you the truth, then he is actually sparing your feelings in the long run.

He may also not feel the need to share the truth with you about any manner of issues going on in his life. Men, on the whole, tend to not want to fight with their other halves.

As such, they can often be caught lying as they likely did not tell the truth in the first place as it was easier simply to have lied. For example, if he said he was at work as opposed to the truth - that he was having a boys' night out, he probably did not want to kick up a fuss. This could be because you would have immediately assumed that a boys' night meant flirting with other women.

In situations like this, he probably just lied not to make a big deal out of something that he did not think was an issue. The example of a boys' night is pertinent in situations where your husband may be worried that you will get angry with what he is really doing. He may feel that keeping the truth a secret, he is simply saving your relationship a fight. Sadly, men will often lie to a partner when they do not respect their other half.

The reason that he does not tell you the truth is that he simply does not feel the need to give you the common courtesy of knowing the full picture. This can be really tough to deal with when you are in a relationship with someone that you love.

But it does say a lot about the chances it has of lasting. If he doesn't respect you now, he never will. It may sound extreme, but a lying husband can be a clear sign that he does not see the relationship lasting. He is probably lying to you because he doesn't see a future with you as his partner and he hasn't got the energy to tell you the truth that may upset you or cause you pain.

His hiding the truth can also be a sign that he has lost respect for you and that is why he is thinking about breaking up. Perhaps the key thing to do when you have a husband who is continually lying to you is to up the lines of communication with him and get him talking to you about your worries. In the best circumstances, he will hopefully be completely unaware of the hurt he is causing you and hopefully by hearing what you have to say, he will simply stop therefore and then.

In reality, this won't be so immediate in most relationships. Firstly, it may have become a bad habit of his to lie to you and so he will find it hard to stop doing. Secondly, his lies will have hurt you in a number of ways that you will need to talk through to build up the trust and respect again your relationship. However, without telling how his actions are making you feel, then there is no chance of your relationship ever being the partnership that you will have wanted it to be.

You need to talk to your husband about your worries as quickly as possible - even if it is over very small white lies, but particularly so if you are worried that his is having an affair.

There are a couple of ways that you can tell if your other half is lying and it is a good idea to keep an eye out for them - especially if you are trying to save your relationship. For starters, he will probably get his details mixed up when talking to you and may well be very vague about points that you question him on.

In fact, he will probably get down right defensive if he is lying to you and you are trying to ascertain if he has told you the truth. Another key way of seeing if your spouse is lying and not telling the truth is that he won't look you in the eye when he is talking to you. They say that body language is actually the biggest conveyer of meaning and this is particularly true if someonee is lying to you. So look out for downcast eyes and if your husband's hands are in his pockets.

Hands that are fidgety are also a key indicator of lying and not being able to keep feet still is another. When your partner lies and keeps the truth from you, and you find out it can be very hurtful and very hard to recover from.

This is understandably the case for if he has cheated on you or you think that his lies could mean that he might cheat on you and have an affair.

This is why it is so important to tackle dishonesty in a relationship head on so that any pain that they may cause a partner is minimised in future. Have you ever been in a relationship with a perpetual liar?

And have you ever had a partner that you felt may cheat on you as a result? Leave your comments and thoughts below as we would be happy to help you with other articles and features that we think could provide you with useful information.

My husband lies about where hes been, who he is talking to, etc. He would say he just left work when really hes on his way to meet another woman. I believe hes not have sexual encounters but he keeps apps hidden and location off.

He talks to other women even when we are on a date. For 2 years I-have felt felt a deep uneasy feelings, something like a churning in my soul that my husband is keeping from me. I have beg for the truth, I have search for the truth and come across seeing things, watching him get furious when I confront him, and denies,denies,denies.

Yet I know he is keeping something or someone from me. I love him with all my soul and heart we been married for ten years. Honestly this like a slow death cause I just long for the truth no matter how much it hurts. Crazy but I rather hurt and see if we can savage the relationship.

Your every words echo my hurts. Your story is mine. I am not sure I can emotionally survive this any longer. Feel so isolated and mentally screwed up. Need help so much. He lies Continually and sets me up to try to humiliate me. Is sneaky, manipulative, calculating, Charming. He denies too. I honestly felt like I was reading a letter to myself when i read your comment. I'm slowly dying inside wondering if things will ever change.

I do not feel as if they will. I dont understand why he hide so much and when i catch him in lies he gets mad at me like its my fault that he is doing it. Nothing he says makes since. In the begining he was such a great guy and now its like he dont even care how his actions make me feel.

I feel like my husband is hiding something or someone. There have been missing items from the home like my antibiotic medicine, my toddler baby food, etc He lies and is very secretive and denies a lot. He will come to tell me about what I think but he has already done it purchasing lottery ticket secretly. He is hot and cold all the time and always carry his cell phone on him. He plays a lot of cell phone app games. Idk what to think anymore.

My husband constantly lies to me everyday almost. He even just makes up things that didn't really happen.

I've caught him talking to other women online and he still won't stop. His family told me that he has always been that way constantly lying to everyone. On august 16th while i was home he was working a side job these texts were sent from his phone to mine.

By the time i got there the mocking texts had been deleted from his phone My husband never uses qoutation marks.. And on the 16th the text stating its after Came to my phone at pm When i ask who sent me these texts he says he does not know. That he had his phone on him the whole time.. Also when he sees that his phone has called mine he usually asks if im on the phone This time he just ended the call. How long have you been with this dude? He gaslighting you as well. Without trust, a relationship cannot grow in a healthy manner.

The former is just as bad as lying about it, Cilona says. While you can wait to be called out by your partner, you can also just put on your big girl pants and get real with them. My ex was there and we caught up. While nothing happened, I should have been upfront with you. If you've kept a lie a secret and your S. When you do admit the truth, it's important to talk to your S. Keep in mind that you might have to talk about this more than once.

And, after you own up to your lie, you might need to keep proving to your partner that you can be trusted, and not just whee the stuff you lied about is concerned. I have tried to shield them from the fallout of this familial dysfunction as much as possible.

It must be so stressful, I can see why you broke down. Finances have been the scariest thing for me to relinquish control of. Thankfully, there are tools to help your husband take initiative and become successful with the finances. Dot, I love that you turn here to vent and admire you for reaching out for support.

Grr, I know how frustrating it is not to get that apology! I remember when I thought leaving was my only option. Thank goodness I found the 6 Intimacy Skills, which transformed my marriage into the playful and passionate one I have today. Now I have plenty of forgiveness and get lots of apologies too! Hi Laura, First, I love your posts! They are very helpful!

We are lucky as women to have such gifts!! What if my reaction s in the past has been one that goes against everything you say above especially — he was protecting me and I was not providing emotional safety, freedom? We have an excellent ability to talk through these types of issues, and come to an understanding, but I feel that even those types of conversations can drive a wedge between us i.

Or is it something I should not verbally address, but instead wait for another opportunity to NOT respond negatively, and over time my actions or lack of action will speak louder? Does that make sense? Thanks, Nicole! I hear that you feel uncertain how to proceed as you practice restoring respect. I love your sense of gratitude and empowerment as a surrendering woman!

Kudos on your willingness to apologize for past actions and change your behavior in the future too. I remember my uncertainty when I started surrendering. Getting support helped me learn how to use all 6 Intimacy Skills in conjunction with one another.

Hi Laura, Thanks for the article! In all honesty, this is the first website I have seen that has realistic and useful information. I caught my husband in a few lies very recently. One of these instances is where he lied about meeting up with another woman. This is great advice Laura! If you do find out your husband about lying, do you ever agree to confronting him about it or let it go and work on yourself?

RedRose, I love your openness to focusing on yourself. Great question! There are many ways to practice all 6 Intimacy Skills in this situation, so your question warrants a longer conversation than my brief post here.

It reads like how I should treat my teenager. We are talking about grown-up men here. My husband has lied about pornography, money issues, work issues, etc. With the pornography, he knew before we married that one of my biggest fears was living a life where my husband was secretly watching porn. He swore to me he would never let that happen. The lies and false information led me to make life choices that would have been severely altered if I had the truth.

He basically stole my freedom from me by lying. With work and money, he has led our family through chaos and turmoil because he pretends everything is fine, and convinced me it was okay to not work and to focus on the kids. Note that I am a very thorough and careful person, and can read people very well. I feel like a fool.

And once again, if I had known about his issues with work, I would have made different decisions about my working or not, which would have saved us from this situation. He had me truly believing it was bad clients, or faulty payment systems that led to us not getting payments. It was just him not completing his work. So while I appreciate the intent of this article, it reads to me on how to be a doormat and enable these man-children or women-children to continue choosing themselves over what is most important.

I hear that this approach is not a fit for you. For me, giving my husband autonomy over his own choices, making the decision to trust him, and creating a culture of honesty and emotional safety in my marriage has not only given me an honest husband but greater intimacy with him.

Above all, I have felt empowered rather than being a doormat. I wish the same for you. You did deserve to know the truth—and still do. My husband is an enabler. His mother was a functioning alcoholic I was to allow her into our home and let her drink. When he would go to bed early and leave her with me and our small children, it never ended well. I finally put my foot down and said no more. She was OK to come but had to do it without her alcohol.

Now his two brothers are daily heavy pot smokers. One is a pediatrician and that bothers me more than you know. The second one smokes from the minute he gets up till bedtime.

HOW do I manage with this man that enables, due to he does not want any conflict. He tells me his brother makes poor choices, the other the DR is very odd and mean…. My reaction to finding pot in my house recently was HUGE. I admire your vulnerability asking for help and your commitment to your marriage. The 6 Intimacy Skills gave me the tools to express my limits and my desires in a way that inspired him to please me. I would love to empower you with tools to handle this conflict in a respectful way that honors your desires so you can restore the intimacy and safety in your home.

But unfortunately I caught him in a lie last night. He was an addict for years and has been clean 4 years now and he came home late last night and I could tell he was high. He refused to tell me but I already knew. Please help me with some advice …. Finding out he relapsed and lied about it would make me afraid too. I admire you for having the courage and vulnerability to reach out for support. Congratulations on the birth of your baby!

I remember how hurt I felt when my husband would lie to me. Now he wants to open up to me, and I have the playful, passionate marriage I always wanted. I want you to have that safety in your marriage too so you can have the honeymoon you deserve! I am with Jenny… My husband has relapsed twice during our marriage and it has caused MANY other problems as well… I stuck it out, doubled down, provided support and helped our family through. Through it but not unscathed… I have previously thought as you do, that I need to trust and cultivate honesty more through my own boundaries , but I gave him his space to make his choices and take care of what was needed.

I can allow my husband to make his own choices, but I will not allow him to avoid the consequences. I know I cannot completely empty myself because there is already nothing left. I need to take care of myself to be the best mother to our children and I cannot travel down this road with him this time. Hi, I have been with my husband 22 years and we have 3 children.

My husband has been lying since the beginning of our relationship about porn addiction, dating sites, looking up escort agencies, finances, and so many other things. He is a very secretive man and seems to cherish his privacy above everything else. The relationship has been verbally abusive since the birth of my 1st child and the physical abuse has been escalating over the last 5 years. My husband seems to have a complete lack of empathy or compassion towards me.

We went to counselling but the dynamics of our relationship barely improved. What would you suggest to a wife in this situation? I feel terribly deceived, manipulated and hurt beyond belief.

If you or your children are not safe, that is a divorce I endorse. If you choose to stay, I invite you to see how the 6 Intimacy Skills can transform your marriage. So sad for you and them. Beth, I totally agree that fears about being in these marriages are legitimate. I thought I knew what was best for such women too, which is why I had my own fear of coming out in favor of them being the experts on their own lives.

Being open to hearing the experience of other courageous women is another story, for me. My husband is a life long liar.

We separated 2 years ago for several months for this reason. We recently returned from a great weekend away that reconnected us and left us giddy as when we were first dating, 20 years ago. Monday, I called him for a favor around 4pm and he pretended to be at work, literally acting out walking to his vehicle to check his personal phone for me and offering to stop working every so often to check it, saying he was finishing up soon and heading home.

The whole time, he was sitting at his friends smoking weed. When I found out, it was like being punched in the gut. Worse, he offered no remorse. I hear him lie to people all the time. I have been working for the last year on giving him his space and his privacy, and I know I still have more growth in that area. Kimberly, ouch! I can see why you felt punched in the gut at being deceived yet again.

I felt so hopeless when I realized there was nothing I could do to change him. But the 6 Intimacy Skills gave me the tools to inspire him to want to please me and be his best self, and trust was restored.

If I can do it, I know you can create an culture of mutual trust and respect so you can feel cherished, desired and adored too. I have such a problem with your advice. If he wants to do things and have autonomy but it impacts ME and our family life and his responsibilities at home, he needs to communicate with me in an honest way and talk through his wants and needs.

Such an old fashioned and sexist outlook to be coming from a woman. I hear you, Jane. Your husband should man up and learn to communicate properly with you! And help you at home instead of going out—absolutely! I felt the same way. He just kept telling me what I wanted to hear and helping me less and less.

It was painful to be at his mercy when all my efforts to make him man up only worsened the problem. What a relief to see that, as a woman, I had the power to change this dynamic with the 6 Intimacy Skills. Now he does communicate honestly with me and even skips going out to help me and be with me! Yesterday when I got home I was in a great mood! The house was a mess.

Stuff everywhere! Jason was on the ps4, kaitlin was on her phone and Justin was drinking out back. Just asked who wanted to go with me to buy life jackets! So I walked out b4 I got more upset. Turned around to take everyone to the band shell! Justin guilted kaitlin to go. She told me to just let people be themself. She knows how I hate clutter. I let it go. I am trying so hard not to blow up! But their mess has been there for a week! The ONLY room that is clean is the sunroom.

Which I worked on last weekend. I just want to go to bed when I get home. But even then when Justin decides to go to bed his snoring keeps me awake! I was going to sleep on the couch but kids were up laughing. Cheers to 11hr work days. At my wits end. Kristina, this sounds absolutely exhausting! I admire you for your commitment to being respectful and choosing intimacy even when they are making you crazy!

I remember when the clutter in my house was making me crazy. I was working so hard while my husband watched TV, which made me furious. The 6 Intimacy Skills empowered me to focus on my own happiness and express my limitations and my desires in a way that inspires. And now I get to feel cherished, desired and adored. I would love to support you to receive the help and consideration you deserve. Have you had a chance to attend my free Introductory Course on the 6 Intimacy Skills? My wife and I have been great for the last 6 mo the or so since I was caught in what I thought was the bomb shell of my secrets and deceit.

I thought I had been fully open and honest with her and some recent dental work I am having done crept back in as I had not originally told her the severity of the work needed to be done. I started the work and was paralyzed by fear Of telling her I needed to do more work than she knew out of fear of losing her from this last major episode. When this all started and I told her I had nothing else I was lying about and we could start to heal, this never crossed my mind. Is there anything I can say to her to help ease the pain of my actions again?

IL, I really admire your commitment to healing yourself and your marriage. It is scary for all your efforts to be jeopardized by this. While I coach women only, I do have a blog post for men here that can help you. I caught my husband using a dating chat app. He claims its to get revenge on losing out on money he gave to a woman over 10 years ago. Deep down, I know better. He flat out lied to me and said he deleted said app.

He never deleted the app and he is still talking to her. I tried letting it go, but he deliberately uses the app while sitting next to me!! I caught him sending dirty pics. How am I supposed to react? Misty, that is so painful. I used to plead with my husband to change his behavior. But my reaction only seemed to reinforce it and push him further away. Then I found the 6 Intimacy Skills and finally learned the tools to attract him back to me. Now he is eager to please me, desire, cherish and adore me.

You can save your marriage too. I found out my husband cheated on me with his ex wife who he has a child with. We have been married for 3 years. Admittedly our marriage looked outwardly happy, but inwardly it was a mess. We fought all the time, we stopped having sex and we did not know how to communicate with each other. I will admit that i have control issues. I am a nagger and i am a control freak. I push people to strive for greatness, i am more financially stable than my husband, he has this issue with consistency and finishing things so he never completed his education.

I have known this about him from the beginning of our marriage, and i have tried to push him to be different and achieve more, but i realize that it is coming off as nagging and putting pressure on him. He knows and has admitted this about himself. He also said the lack of sex and constant fights made him want to escape. We were seperated for 6 months have been going to counseling and are trying work out our marriage.

One of the things we did was set up boundaries on his communication with the ex wife since they share a child. We both decided that i would act as mediator and she could contact me for things relating to their child since direct contact between the two of them is a huge trigger.

Recently, we had a fight and i threatened divorce and told him i was done with the marriage. Unbeknownst to me, he reached out to his ex wife after we had the fight to get some information from her regarding their sons christmas gifts. She is the one who told me about it casually, not realizing i had no idea he did this.

I confronted him and asked why he reached it and why he also deleted the texts. So it was easier to just fib. This to me is a breach of trust all over again, reminding me of cheating behavior. While the context of the texts were innocent the ex forwarded the messages, they were all appropriate the intent behind his actions have put a new fear in my heart.

He has lied and breached trust again to cover himself and to avoid conflict and i do realize that our marriage is not safe. It is not a comfortable environment for him to tell the truth in.

He constantly feels judged because he cheated and he lies. He might just be a compulsive liar. My husband was always honest with me…but recently I noticed he always had his phone, etc red flag.

He said he was talking to a mutual acquaintance we know. I was so angry but I wanted our marriage to work. This is all recent. And I have no idea how to move forward. I want a divorce but thinking about the expenses and logistics makes me sick. We have 2 sweet children. How could he do this to them? I never wanted a broken home! My husband repeatedly entered transactions that I do not know about. Recently, it involved huge money that he loaned for and to clients and now we are in deep debt.

Recently, he has been meeting with a woman client because they are planning things that will bring big money. If all goes well, he gets his money back from this woman plus more.

Now he tells me that this woman and him are friends. He also told me that I do not need to know their transaction but that everything he is doing is for our future. I feel hurt that my husband do not want me to share his troubles. I have also read some text exchanges with the woman and I felt jealous that he can be open with her but not with me. He used to be honest and open with me.

It was one of the things I love him for. I feel that our relationship is crumbling and my insecurities have come out like wildfire. My husband and I have been together for a year. It was a whirlwind romance. I am previously divorced.